Just Me

For a twenty-something girl, I'm still a freaking virgin, haven't done illegal (well, except for jaywalking), afraid to tell a (significant) lie, I don't smoke and I haven't had an SO (yeah, boo, me). I can't know flirting if it's thrown at my face.

My (celebrity) crushes are 3/4 girls. I never wanted to dance, sing or act. I always wear my hair up. I only comb my hair one time a day (in the morning). But I occasionally like putting on makeup, though those times are always when I'm chilling at home.

I stutter when I talk to someone I don't feel comfortable with. I find ways not to talk to somebody new.

Although I consider most people my friends, I still feel trapped if they all look at me when I share something in a group discussion. I look anywhere but their eyes. I feel comfortable with their presence but I don't like full attention of everybody.

I can't sell myself in an interview though I know what I can do. Every job I had badly needs someone and that someone happened to be me. However, I like the feeling when they discover that I'm more than what they thought I was during interview. Though I kinda feel I'm showing off. I worry that friends/workmates feel like that. And I don't like feeling that. I know I'm functioning properly at work because I feel comfortable with the people around me. Like, guys this is team effort!!

I feel SepAnx with every group of people I'm with. Like when I'm at home all day on a Sunday and I have to get to work on a Monday morning, I'm on the verge of being late because I don't wanna leave the company of my sisters and my niece. Same with workmates, I feel like I like going out with them after work. I feel a little bad if I need to get home when they ask to go out. I get late to every get together with my friends because I don't wanna leave home but when I'm with them, we part nearly ten at night because we enjoy each others company and I'd still feel a little bad.

I feel scared crossing the street, being alone in a bathroom, (Japanese) horror movies and spiders.

But I still watch horror movies.

I am disgusted with snails, worms and I don't like fishy smell (I'm always on the verge of throwing up with them).

My eye sight is bad but I don't like wearing my glasses.

I kinda don't think about people that I don't like. Seriously, like yeah, I don't like them but I don't hate them either.

I'm vocal with negative and aggressive feelings  when someone I know gets bullied. I only bitch out for myself when I'm hungry.

I'm forty-eight kilos but I know I have compulsion to eat anything I want. I get full in a few bites but I get hungry in a few minutes. I'm sure this is where my money goes.

I like reading. But I don't like fantasy because my mind is weak and I can't picture an alternate universe in my head. This is why I like fantasy movies, they picture it for me.

I love writing. I have the compulsion to write whenever I have an idea. Like, I can't go to sleep without me writing it out, either physically or digitally. But I don't really think I'm good at it.

I'm pretty sure I'm Jack of all traits master of nothing type of person.

I get frustrated with my own laziness but acting out on it is really tiring.